What an Adventure!

"Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown". I would say I have taken the biggest step of my life. This adventure has been indescribable, though I have tried to explain some of it to you here. Living in Africa have been the most difficult, frustrating, rewarding, amazing time of my life. The people I have met, daily activities, roadblocks, and my own reflections have taught me so much. I have definitely taken a huge risk and because of that, I believe I have grown immensely. Many of you will want me to tell you what the best part of my last 3 months have been. I simply cannot answer what the best part is. How can I possibly pick "the best" part of a life-changing experience? I will share with you though, just a few of the most memorable times: making friendships with some of the girls- being able to joke around and laugh with them, teaching the children songs, holding a child in my arms, going on the safari, sitting on the veranda surrounded by children at sunset with the welcoming cool breeze after a stifling hot day. You will notice that most of them involve the children. Thus, I think it is fitting to share a quote that sums up my time with them: "The soul is healed by being with children". One little girl expecially, named Patience, has completely captured my heart. When I look into her big, deep brown eyes, it is so hard to think of leaving. If I could, I would take her back with me in a heartbeat.

In addition to the good, happy times, I have also come to know a world that includes lots of suffering. I have learned that there is a lot of suffering, war, and poverty in the world. At times, it is hard to think about going back to my life, knowing that I am leaving all of it behind to be surrounded be my comfortable, cushioned life. I have seen that the world is full of need and it feel like there will always be more. It makes me think of another quote from the missionary Amy Carmichael: "Missionary work is a grain of sand, the work untouched is a pyramid". ChildVoice International is doing so much and has impacted so many lives, but there are so many more in Gulu, in Uganda, in Africa, in the world. Knowing this makes me torn between feeling helpless and wanting to do more.

I want to just thank you for all your thoughts and prayers and I hope you have enjoyed reading my random thoughts in this blog. If I have inspired you at all by introducing to you a new group of people and my new friends in Uganda, I ask for your continual prayers for them. If you would also like, please ask me how you can help with the scholarship fund. as I plan to make this a part of my life. Now, with this adventure coming to an end, I would like to challenge you, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one and precious life?"- Mary Oliver.

The End is Near

"You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you". -Frederick Buechner

I think this quote is so true. With only a couple of weeks left, I am really missing my family. I have really come to appreciate them and realize how much I love them while I have been here. I see families here that are broken- either they do not all live together, or some have been killed. Some of the girls are orphans because of the war, and some do have parents alive but do not want or are able to take care of them. I think I have been especially missing my family since I did not have a real Thanksgiving. I was the only American at the center and it was really weird to go throughout my day as ordinary as ever, but knowing that is was a holiday for me and no one else. My Thanksgiving meal consisted of pancakes and syrup that I made myself (thank you Camp Ewalu for all the practice you gave me in making these!), which were not too bad, though I did miss the turkey and stuffing.

It is crazy that just as I am starting to feel independent, I am leaving soon. Saturday I spent the day in town by myself. I went to a little coffee shop and used the internet, went to the grocery store and the market, and came back on a boda all be myself! Usually I am with one other mzungu, but I was alone this weekend and so had to fend for myself. You really learn to be independent when you don't have anyone else to depend on. I am glad that I have gotten to this point because that is one of the reasons I wanted to come here. I now feel that if I can walk alone around Gulu (which is a pretty big city) and do my errands, I can definitely be independent in the Twin Cities! Especially when I am familiar with the culture and can speak the same language!

In other news, I have started tutoring 3 of the girls to take the PLE. I started by assessing them to see how much they know (or remember because it has been a long time since they have been in school). Unfortunately, the results were not quite how I had anticipated for a couple of them. I realized that I needed to just back up and work on reading in English. Their Primary Leaving Exam (PLE) is all in English and so they could not do as well as they might have if they had known how to read better. So, yesterday I took some children's books from the ECD classroom and read with the girls. I am only sad that I did not start this sooner! I feel bad that I have just started with them, have gotten their hopes up, and now am leaving so soon. I wish there was something I could do, but with the speed things go in Uganda, I don't think I will be able to get them a different tutor before I leave. On a brighter note, one of the girls did much better than I had expected. I was so excited to see her doing so well! She has such drive and motivation that I just know she will make something of herself after she leaves the center. I am glad that I can at least start something with these girls while I am here. I just wish there was something I could do when I am 3,000 miles away...

Safari!

On Thursday I went with the team on a safari in western Uganda. We took 3 vans that the roofs could pop up and we could stand up and look out through the top. We drove through the Murchison Falls National Park in the middle of the day, which I was told, was when you do not usually see many animals. Surprisingly, we saw a lot more than I thought we would. We saw antelopes, wildebeests, warthogs, water buffalo, giraffes, elephants, baboons, a leopard, and a cobra. Unfortunately, we did not see any lions, which I was really hoping for, but it was really fun. I loved standing up with the warm, African air blowing in my face, seeing all these animals in the savanna that I have never seen up close in the wild before.

After the safari, we took a ferry across the Nile river to where we were staying that night, a campground-like hotel place called The Red Chili. There were cabins, big army tents, and backpacking tents. Thankfully, we stayed in the cabins, which I was very happy about because there were warthogs and hippos wandering around the campground. I really did not want to worry about one of those getting into my tent! Forget raccoons in Minnesota camping! After we were settled in and rested for a little bit, we went back out to the savanna for an evening safari from 4-7. We saw the same animals for the most part, but they were a lot closer- at one point there was a giraffe on the road right in front of our van!- and it was during sunset, which was really beautiful. We had to hurry to get back on the last ferry that left at 7 so we booked it and barely made the ferry, which for the first time in Uganda, actually left on time. Then we ate dinner at the restaurant at the campground and then had a shower! It was cold water, but it was still a shower, which I have not had in 2 months. I slept very good with a pillow that night too!

The next morning after breakfast we got into 2 boats and went down the Nile River. My cousin had asked me before I left if I would see any hippos in Uganda. I told her I didn't think so because I would not be near a body of water. Well, Amy, I was wrong. I saw tons of hippos! I will show you lots of pictures when I get home! We also saw crocodiles on out boat ride. I had to keep reminding myself, though, when I looked out across the river that I was actually on the Nile instead of the Mississippi. It really looked like I could have been looking out at the bluffs in Winona.

We then got out and hiked up to the top of Murchison Falls. I love waterfalls and this one was very impressive. We hiked up and got to actually stand on top of the waterfall. This was probably my favorite part of the trip. Afterwards, we piled in the vans and drove a couple of hours. The team dropped off a couple of staff members that went along and I on the side of the road and then kept driving south to Kampala to fly home. A bus would be coming up from Kampala to Gulu and would pick us up at this "bus stop". We did not know when the bus would come, and I was even wondering IF it would come, but after only an hour of waiting, we safely got on an overcrowded bus. We got into Gulu around 6 and decided to stay the night in a hotel in town. It was really nice to have a hot shower last night and sleep in a really comfortable bed! The last few days have been a really nice treat, but now it's back to the center for my last 3 weeks in Africa!

T.I.A.

There has been lots of activity at the center the last two weeks so I have been busier than usual, which I am happy about. A team of 18 people from Des Moines has been here on a mission trip and they leave tomorrow. There has also been a funeral for the Center Director's son, which was an all day event last Friday. On Sunday ChildVoice had a huge celebration and invited past students to come back for a reunion. The present group of girls is the third class to be at the center so the first two classes of girls, and their children, all came for the celebration, which was again all day long.

Last night I went to eat with the team in town at a restaurant. It was a pretty nice restaurant and I had heard very good things about it, so I was very excited to eat there. I had my heart set on the pizza because the team was talking about getting Papa John's when they get home. I was pretty let down to hear they did not have any more pizza (it is common for restaurants to not carry what they have on their menu), but I decided on the pasta with mushrooms. We waited an hour and a half before people started getting their food. Half an hour later, I was the only one who still did not have my food. The waiter then told me that they are out of the mushroom pasta and asked if I would have the spaghetti. I said sure, though I was a bit disappointed. Ten minutes later, I was brought a plate of plain, overcooked spaghetti noodles with bits of scrambled egg on top. The rest of the team looked at me sympathetically. I smiled at the waiter and said thank you. After I finished 1/3 of my plate and the waiter came to clear my spot, he asked how my food was. I smiled and said it was good. When he left, one of the guys on the team said I almost said that with a straight face. One of the team members then told me, "T.I.A.". I asked what that meant. She said, "That is Africa". So now, whenever situations like this occur, which is really quite frequent, I just shrug and say T.I.A.

Ups and Downs

Just one week can have so many ups and downs. Last weekend was a great weekend. Friday I woke up early and climbed the soldiers' hill to watch the sunrise with some people. Then that night I danced with the girls for a long time. I am no longer uncomfortable with them. I enjoy spending time with them and talking with them a lot more. Over the past few weeks, they have become "the Acholi people of northern Uganda" to my friends and people that are so much more than their tribal name. I care about them and really feel like I know them. On Monday I was very excited when I decided what to do with my project money. As an intern, I have $500 to spend on my program. Because my program does not really need this much money, I can use the remaining however I wish. I had a vision to use the money to help send the girls to secondary school if they want to go. There have been a couple of girls that were in P7 before they were abducted and want to take the PLE (a test to get into secondary school). I am going to start assessing them this week and then tutoring them so they can take the test next year. If they end up getting into secondary school, it is very expensive- about $150- 300 a year. I want my money to go towards their schooling because I believe so much in the power of education. Three Cups of Tea has been very inspiring!

I was on such a high at the beginning of the week, but by Thursday I was near tears. After waiting for half an hour for my class to begin, I was informed that it would need to be postponed until Sunday. I was frustrated because it was cancelled the week before as well. I went back to my hut feeling defeated. Then I had a decision to make. What would I turn to? Normally I would pick up the phone and call my mom immediately but I couldn't because it was 1:00 am for her. I also could not call any of my close friends, and there was no one I could talk with at the center right then. So what would I turn to? Or who? I picked up my bible. I decided that God is the one I would lean on. Once before, during a very hard time in my life, I closed my eyes, opened the bible to a page, ran my finger up and down, and landed on a spot. When I opened my eyes, I saw I had landed on Proverbs 3:5: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding". I decided to do the same thing that day because sometimes I don't really know what is the right thing to read and I just believe that God would show me something to comfort me. And He did. I landed on Ecclesiastes 3:6: "A time to gain and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away". I was amazed that not only did I land on a section in the bible that I knew somewhat, but that it was relevant. I read the whole section over, then focused on the verse again, "A time to gain and a time to lose". That completely summed up my week. On Monday I had gained so much and I felt good and happy. That Thursday I lost- I did not have my class and I felt frustrated, discouraged, useless, and upset. My patience and flexibility had been tried again and again. But, I know God has a purpose for everything, and if it is just for me to learn something, then I know everything will work out in the end and it is worth it. And I did learn something. I learned to turn to God first and foremost, before anyone or anything else. He always has the answers. I am also learning that things don't always go my way and I need to accept that. Sometimes I will gain and sometimes I will lose.

What I'm Learning

I have been thinking of all that I am learning while I have been here. I know when I get home, people will ask me, "So what did you learn?" That is a tough question because I am continuously learning and prosessing what I am learning. Here are a few things, some more thought-provoking than others, that I am learning so far:

-God is teaching me to trust in Him that I will be safe. I have never had to do this before. I have trusted Him in other aspects, but not my own safety to the extent that I do here. Although CVI does have systems in place to ensure safety, it is still hard to feel safe knowing what has happened in the past in northern Uganda. I have realized that life is too short to always be worrying. I'll let God take care of it for me.

-I am learning to be patient. In every way possible! I am forever waiting- for anything and everything. And sometimes even nothing. I have learned to just sit and wait a lot for people, something to start, or sometimes I don't even know what. This has been a challenge for someone who thrives on being busy, but I am slowly learning.

-I am learning another culture's rules, behaviors, and way of life. Every day I learn something new about the Acholi culture or what is or is not appropriate to do.

-I am learning to love all of God's beauty that is creation. Not just the gorgeous sunsets, but the endless seas of tall grass, storm clouds rolling in, and the abundance of green trees. I am learning to appreciate nature, and the fact that everything I eat comes from the ground- my daily rice and beans, vegetables from the market, and even my water. In Donald Miller's book, Through Painted Deserts, he says he is "talking about the earth God meant to speak before we finished His sentence". I like what he says: "In all our technology, we have lost touch with the earth, our heaters and air conditioners robbing us of the drama of seasons, our cars keeping our feet from pacing the land, our concrete and our shoes and our carpet delivering us from the feel of unprocessed earth. We live on top of the created world, not in it".

-I have learned that I appreciate my family and friends more than I ever have before. I am learning that they really love and care about me. One good friend showed this by telling me "You are not missing much" when I expressed how much I miss what is going on at home.

-I am learning to not take for granted the littlest things that I never would have thought of before. There are just too many of these to count!

-I am learning that God is in each and every person, regardless of where they live, or how differently their lives are from mine. I always have known this, but I am actually experiencing it now after meeting people here.

-I am learning to be alone, and to keep things to myself. I like to be surrounded by people, which is why camp and college have been the perfect environments for me. I like to share my thoughts and talk with others. Here I am learning to keep my thoughts to myself or journal them. This might just be because nobody would understand what I am saying anyway! I am learning here that I do not always need to be my enthusiastic, bubbly self. I am starting to learn to enjoy my quiet alone time instead of always being social.

-I learned that I do not like sugarcane (surpisingly).

-I learned that the frogs and caterpillars are poisonous.

-I have learned that I appreciate it when people call me by my name insead of "mzungu", which is getting very tiring.

-I am learning there are some incredible books written. (Read The Shack and Through Painted Deserts if you have not).

-I am learning that when I get home, I will see everything through new eyes. I feel that I will appreciate everything so much more and take full advantage of the freedom and choices that I am blessed with.

-I am learning to not wish away the days, but to live in each moment, treating each as a gift from God. I have not always done this in my life, especially here. It is hard some days, but I am trying. There is something from the book Through Painted Deserts that has really struck me: "It occurs to me, as it sometimes does, that this day is over and will never be lived again, that we are only the sum of days, and when those are spent, we will not come back to this place, to this time, to these people and these colors, and I wonder whether to be sad about this or to be happy, to trust that these hours are meant for some kind of enjoyment, as a kind of blessing".

-I have learned how to improvise when making apple pie and puppy chow.

-I have learned again and again, that I find joy just being with children.

-I am learning what are the most important things in life. In the past, I would say family and friends. But still, the way I lived my life would also say food, social gatherings, living comfortably, and enjoying life. I am learning that it is really very simple- just God and love, which is actually the same thing. God is love. So, the most important thing is to love God and others, and in turn, I am loved by God and others. Again, one more thought from Through Painted Deserts: "I think we are supposed to stand in deserts and marvel at how the sun rises. I think we are supposed to sleep in meadows and watch the stars dart across space and time. I think we are supposed to love our friends and introduce people to the story, to the peaceful, calming why of life. I think life is spirituality".

These are just some of the things I have learned. I am sure there will be much more God will teach me in the second half of this Fantastic Adventure In Trusting Him.

My Favorite Things

Some of my favorite times here are the smallest, shortest things. Yesterday a thunderstorm was rolling in and some of the young children were scared and crying. I sat on the veranda with a few of them on my lap and around me while I sang. We just sat there while it poured for about half an hour as I sang song after song. I also love just sitting with the kids in the evenings when the sun is setting and there is a refreshing cool breeze.

Another one of my favorite times is when I have one of my program sessions. I had my second class for the older kids and mothers and it went so well! The kids are much more creative than I had ever thought and the mothers are learning to ask their children questions and interact with them. My program is different than I had originally planned. I knew that when I got here I would have to adapt it anyway to fit the needs here. There was no way to know how things would work without ever being here first. I had planned a program for mothers to read to their children and for them to do educational activities together. However, when I got here, I learned that the mothers can't read and the children are mostly too young to do the activities I had in mind. But they are still learning, being creative, and interacting together, which are my new objectives. My purpose is now for the mothers to learn to ask their children questions and encourage them to use their imaginations. This is something I, and I think many Americans, have taken for granted. I remember when I was growing up my mom making puppets with us out of paper plates, buttons, and yarn. She also made us play-doh and always encouraged us to be creative. In turn, when I baby-sat or nannied I would color with the children and I would encourage my students in the classroom to use their imaginations. The mothers here have never been taught this and so they have no idea how to do this with their children. It makes me appreciate so much everything my mom has done for me.

Even though my class is only about 20 or 30 minutes long, once a week, I have been told that is has made a big impact already. The other teachers were saying how good it was and that the kids were drawing more pictures and giving them to their mothers. They said to not think of what I am doing as a small thing because it has already made such a difference after only one session! This touched my heart so much!

Saturday I participated in the Gulu Walk. This is a walk to raise awareness to protect the children of northern Uganda. There are also walks in U.S. cities that were going on the same day. We walked all over Gulu for about 3 hours and there were hundreds of us- all in bright orange t-shirts. It felt good to be a part of a cause that I have wanted to help for so long. I know I do this everyday at ChildVoice, but there is something about being a part of a huge walk that so many people were involved in that made me really excited to be here.